Or alternatively titled, “Who shrank my snowpants?”
Let’s be clear from the beginning. This Spanx constrained sledding was necessity not vanity. I’m not a Kardashian. It was by no means comfortable. I could barely move and the zipper still didn’t stay closed. But I had made a promise to my kids and something as little (or as BIG) as a butt that wouldn’t fit into my snow pants wasn’t going to stop me!
This is how it went down. On day #4 of Indiana Snowpocalypse 2014, I promised my munchkins that I would take my lunch break to sled with them. The appointed hour of sledding came and my 3 kiddos excitedly scampered into their still wet snow clothes like they’d done 4-5 times a day since the big blizzard. I shooed them out the door with the promise that I would join them soon.
With dread I headed to the hall closet. Is it possible to will yourself smaller by the power of your mind? I peaked inside. Perhaps the fat fairy had snuck a pair of XL snow pants in the closet for Christmas to help me out? No such luck. The boys snow bibs I had worn skiing just last year laughed in my face. Not a chance. The Women’s size Mediums eyed me more kindly. Maybe I could still squeeze into them I thought…
When I couldn’t even pull them up all the way I had a choice to make. Skip the promised hour of sledding fun or find a way. That’s when I remembered my full body Spanx! They had worked wonders under dresses for weddings and pants during a big job interview, surely they wouldn’t fail me now. True to it’s word the magic that is industrial strength spandex slimmed me just enough to get the pants on and zipped. Walking just a little funny, I headed out to join the kids.
There is an odd thing that happens when you fall over that tipping point from pretending you’ve just put on a few pounds, into seriously admitting you’ve gained weight. All of a sudden you’re free to discuss it openly. I think I actually like this stage better. This stage is where the honesty starts.
Carefully constructed photos on Facebook aside, anyone who sees me in real life can already tell I’ve gained weight. So why am I intent on hiding it? No one ever accomplished anything great by shaming themselves into submission.
So here I stand, publicly admitting that I have gained 2 pants sizes in one year. Ouch! And you know what? It’s ok. I’ve come to realize this is just a stage in my life. I’ve made a lot of good life changes in the past year and one of the casualties has been my waist line. So be it. Because I’m still me. And with a little hard work, this too shall pass.
I had so much fun that afternoon with the kids we went sledding again when nightfall came. We even hiked to the park to rocket down the slides in our snow pants and pretend the playground was our personal ice castle like Elsa in Frozen. We had a blast. And this time, I wore my husband’s snow pants.